Monday-Sunday, January 16-22,
2012
New Lessons
1/16/2012
Boulevard sounds French especially when French guys say it.
1/17/2012
Pollution is so terrible because it makes you hate air.
1/18/2012
The reason why "noodle" is a slang term for head is because it was
named before the proliferation of Italian food in America and someone
confused a meatball for a noodle.
1/19/2012
The one time someone tried to reinvent the wheel and it worked was when the boat was invented.
1/20/2012
Night vision goggles would be cooler if there were no day time.
1/21/2012
"Heads up" actually means "Heads down so no one gets smacked in the face!"
The brain is what you knows with. That and the nose.
1/22/2012
If you are sitting up you are sitting up and sitting down at the same time.
When dreams come true a dreamer becomes a realist.
Saturday,
December 31, 2011
New Music by MARS Mirroring Wishes
A musical and aural journey through my life in the year 2011.
Mister Wonderful is dedicated to my dad who passed away August 15th.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
New Lesson
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny
nose. Unfortunately his brother Barry the black nosed reindeer didn't
and one foggy Christmas Eve he was hit by a car.
New Comedy Quotes Collection:
Enornal Thirtitude
1. I'm a lot like Spider-Man. I'm a man. Hey I didn't say we were completely alike.
2. When someone tells me that I'm funny the pressure is on to think of
a funny response.. because comedy is better than reciprocal
graciousness, at least that is what they taught me in jerk school. Boy
my teacher at jerk school was such a.. nice guy. He should have been
fired but I guess when you are tying to learn to be a jerk someone
teaching you to be nice is a real jerk move. Perhaps I should punch him
in the face as a sign of gratitude..
3. I went to a five star resort. Yeah, the view at night was terrible.
4. I always knew that I'd never think of this day coming.
5. I'm a millionaire because I have a million air.
6. That doesn't smell smart.
7. T/i\r/e\s/ (Slashed tires)
8. I'll keep an eye out for it and by that I mean I will keep my eye out of your head and in mine.
9. I want to be a single dad. I don't want my wife to marry anyone else. I want to be the only dad for my kids.
10. I realize that they are comedians. That's what they do, they comeed. But why do they have to be so disrespectful?
11. Are you a he or she or a sheesh!?
12. What are your 2 1/1 favorite things about where you live?
13. Can you tell me where the nearest far away is?
14. If you could live anywhere you want but only for 5 seconds where
would it be? It would have to look good and not be deadly cold but if
it is too good you can only live there for 5 seconds and that would be
a bummer.
15. These jokes are for the .7 fans Piemerica has. .7, how is that
possible? Well the one fan we have has decreased his interest in us by
30%.
16. I hear you have age too.
17. Wow, context, I like that word and the thing that it is.
18. I believe dinosaurs existed and I make no bones about it.
19. I need to compact (instead of stretch).
20. I'm addicted to air. I breathe in 29,307 times a day and I'm
thinking of getting a surgery to where I don't have to breathe out.
21. I kept it a secret until I talked to someone.
22. This sort of thing is not my 39.
23. Nathan Barnatt:Watching dolphins!! California rules!
Emperor MAR:California passed a law that forces everyone there to watch dolphins?
24. Stranger: this is fun
Emperor MAR: yeah I use the word "this" some times!
Stranger: i use it all the time, i think
Emperor MAR: that is too much and irresponsible
25. Stranger: ohh okay sweet..
Emperor MAR: your sweet dropped some sugar
26. Stranger: Jamaicans? I've never met one.
Emperor MAR: You've always met them in pairs huh?
27. Stranger:how so
Emperor MAR: yes it is very so
28. Stranger: hah
Emperor MAR: i am going to use the magic of typing and type what you just said backwards
Emperor MAR: hah
29. Boss:Are you working hard or hardly working?
Emperor MAR:I'm hardly working hard. Which, I guess, is just regular working.
30. Young Adult: I grew up on Apple Jacks cereal!
Emperor MAR: That's sad, my parents gave me a bed.
31. Stranger: That is very sound advice.
Emperor MAR: Yeah especially when I say it out loud.
32. Being 1: You know what?
Being 2: No what?
Being 1: You just said what, that means you know what
Being 2: Oh sorry
33. Empress Lori: Just forget about it.
Emperor MAR: You are asking too much of me.
34. Being 1: My Stomach says growl
Emperor MAR: My stomach says meow
35. Being 1: Lord, please bless this meal I have cooked.
Being 2 to Being 3: Why is he doing that? Is he that bad of a cook?
36. If my dad had a dog it would be dog and dad, pup and pap, puppy and pappy, k9 and uh father...
37. I had a great time the other day at a place which shall remain
nameless. I don't know why they refuse to name it. It makes it so hard
for me to reference.
38. It didn't take that long, it only took oneever.
Thursday, October 27,
2011
Jibber Jabber 2011 Established
* I need your help. The evil Dr. Scientist is going to turn all the world's beans into rabbits.
This will wreck the world's economy because rabbits are harder to prepare than beans.
* What is a pact? Is that like when you squeeze the glass jelly jar really hard?
* I was at the carnival last month and I got mugged! Yeah they had this
great booth where they put your face on a mug. I love it!
* I'm reading a Reader's Digest my wife brought home. I like it but it is not back lit! What is this 1992?
* If you broke an E it would form an F. So how come Full is more than Empty? Can you tell me that?
* This is a men's room. This is a men's room. But it ain't nothin' without a toilet.
* Is the moment this moment or an unrelated important moment?
* I can call you a lot of things but I am too polite or not polite enough to do so.
* We are chums FOR SHARKS!
* You like the sweater my goat made on Friday for your tree stump?
* Grow up! (slowly by staying alive)
* "the fear" is a funny term, so funny I'm scared it concerns me (in a pertaining sort of way)
* Phil is cool and bald, a shiny combination
* things are things except that thing
* If English is my first language is body language my zeroth language?
* Hey! Don't put that toy cow skull in her bed! She's gonna wake up with a skull in her face! Well I guess she always does that.
* I'm only afraid to be myself when I'm in big trouble.
* When the truth hurts I knOW.
* The sense of humor is taste. I laugh at my ice cream all the time.
* I would get more friends if they would get me. Get it?
* I always spell zer0 wrong. I put 0 at the end but no one seems to notice
* Discuss the difference in color of a lemon and a stick of butter.
* An is short for Ann with two ns.
* Adds comedy to outfit.
* Zany is a combination of outrageous, radical, and silly.
* I need the William Crease from your forearm-bag.
* Take a break at 4:30????:??????????????????????????????
* I was thinking that my dad and I would have been age buddies, 62 and
26. This is the first time I thought of this but when I was 15 he was
51 and when I was 04 he was 40.
* ./|\. A dot jumping over a wall
* I had a piece of paper that was too wrinkled to fax so I made a copy
of it and faxed the copy. When I was sending it I said to myself (and
them sorta..), "Now you're gonna get it!"
* You want to know what I hate? When you tell people what you hate then they annoy you by doing it on purpose. I hate that.
* Just because everybody doesn't dig it doesn't mean you should stop shoveling.
* I've never been on an aeroplane but I have been on a ground plain.
They don't sound much different to me, only about 50% different to be
exact(ish).
* If I owned a buffet I would die of non-starvation.
* If I can get away with eating it that means
I am smarter than it, that is how I never eat the sun, I blow at the
sky but it never cools.
* Which is the latter part of a ladder?|
Conan O'Brien Twitter Bio Suggestions
* Tom Hanks named me CoCo now I'm naming Him ToTo. #TeamToTo
* COB in LA on TBS & T (Twitter doesn't abbreviate well).
* Yes, I know the FedEx Pope. Jealous?
* Hi this is Aaron Bleyaert because Conan doesn't know how to tweet by himself yet.
* Welcome to the Cone Zone
Chuck Norris Style Jokes for Ray Amsley
* Ray Amsley eats lightning and his leg regurgitates it onto your FACE!
* Ray Amsley taught Gawl Senglelis every action sequence pro that he knows.
* Ray Amsley knows all the vowels, including the six you've never heard of.
* Rain forests aren't cut down by loggers. The trees commit suicide when they realize that they can never be Ray Amsley's leg.
* One time Ray Amsley fell asleep in the woods and the moss that
gathered on his leg was used to make the ooze that mutated the Teenage
Mutant Amsley Turtles. They were later renamed the Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles because ninjas are considered less violent than Ray Amsley.
* Ray Amsley was going to star in Streets of Rage 4 but "Rage" and "4"
weren't superlative enough to describe Ray Amsley. But Ray still grand
uppers someone every time you press "A" on your Sega Genesis controller.
* Ray Amsley doesn't need a Blockbuster Rewards card. He rewards
Blockbuster every time he walks into one because his mere presence
makes every action scene in every movie 15 minutes longer. This is also
why Ray is banned from standing next to the internet.
* Mega Man is based on Ray Amsley but the wooden leg was changed to the
mega buster because the game was too easy with the wooden leg.
Thursday-Monday, October 20-24,
2011
New Lessons
10/20/11
As dirt is bad for appearances so dirty words are bad for soundpearances.
10/21/11
People go out to lunch because they are into lunch.
10/22/11
Remixes dare to grant the wish of, "I wish this repetitive pop song was even more repetitive."
10/23/11
If you ever hear fresh squeezed orange juice being advertised don't believe it because juice can't be squeezed.
10/24/11
The top hat had an unsuccessful sequel called the bottom hat. It was
essentially portable chamber pot. Although it came in handy for many a
dandy even the French found it too foul.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Piemerica's Double Chicken Lessons of/for the Day 10/19/11
Regardless of if the chicken or the egg came first it was tasty right from the start.
Chicken fries would be called "fried chicken" if the name had not
already been taken. Unfortunately the name "French fries" was also
taken.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
New Teaching/Scripture Collection God's View on Sin
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Blog Name Change: Loved by God, Loving Others
I've changed the name of my blog from "Love
God, Love Others" to "Loved by God, Loving Others" because my life has
changed from a commands based life of "this is what God wants us to do
so let's make Him happy" to a love based life of "God loves me and is
already happy so I will love others out of the overflow of Him loving
me."
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Piemerica's Lesson of/for the Day 9/21/11
The hippest way to say that you are about to cry is to say, "Immma rock a tear."
Monday, September 12, 2011
Lesson Mania Week 2011
9/12/11
If you tell a mime to mime its own business
it will be a mime miming a mime. Then you will have a double mime and
that's.. annoying.
Winners are quitters because they always quit when they are done winning.
If English is your first language then body language is your zeroth language.
The reason women like to be called baby is because it makes them feel younger.
Since when were bats and robins friends? Since April 1940 I guess.
I have a small apt. It is so small it doesn't even have all the letters.
Don't wait for someone to give you advice just go out there and take it!
9/13/11
They say, "When it rains it pours" But really rain is just a bunch of drips.
When they combined bumper pool with bumper cars bumper boats were invented.
Sometimes people are told to give 110%. 100% is the most one person can
give so to give 110% there must be a second guy giving 10%.
Some people are only afraid to be themselves when they are in trouble.
Eating dinner don't make ya thinner it makes swell up in your center
Asia Minor and Asia Augmented 7th are long time enemies.
9/14/11
Putting a tiger into a bear cage won't make the tiger a bear but it will make the bear cage a tiger cage.
I figured out how Christians can be in Christ. It is because God is holy.
Sound advice is easy to give just give advice out loud.
12AM and 11AM are a lot farther apart than you'd think.
Sometimes it is now.
Ignorance is bliss. That is why it is fun to act ignorant.
9/15/11
Fun Food Fact: The Hamburger was named after the French and Indian War.
Fun War Fact: There aren't any.
Moon walking a dog sounds like a lot more fun than walking a dog.
The original name for the football huddle was "team hug" but the
coaches felt bad because they were left out. So it was renamed huddle
which is a French word meaning, "That hug thing that sports guys do."
The stupidest question is "Is this a Question?"
Retired is like regular tired but tired again because you are old.
Don't put a toy cow skull in your little sister's bed. She's gonna wake
up with a skull in her face! Well I guess she always does that.
9/16/11
Slang is not cool.
Someone coined the phrase "coined the phrase."
Shampoo first sounds like the last thing you would want to put in your
hair. Sham and poo. But if there is any kind poo that I'd touch it
would be sham-poo.
All profanities originate in the French language.
Facts suck! Except the ones that I like.
You know you are afraid of gossip when you won't name your daughter
because you are afraid someone will talk about her behind her back.
The sarcastic remark "very original" is very unoriginal.
Friday, August 19, 2011
My dad Art Reyes died on Monday (the 15th). I can't
really put into words what it is like to lose from this earth the most
loving and irreplaceable man I've ever known. You would have just had
to have been there with us sharing Jesus, life, and love together.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Piemerica's Top 11 Lessons of 2010
11. Every moment is the greatest moment of itself.
10. When someone requests "Listen to me." they are only referring to verbal communication and not other noises they may make.
9. My dad's name is Art but other people have names too.
8. A paranormal investigator is a normal investigator with a parachute.
7. An excellent way to earn quick cash is to rent out space in your wallet.
6. Age is a state of mind, the state of how old your mind is.
5. Fun Food Fact: Humans invented pizza in the past.
4. There is no wonder as to why so many people turn to crime, it is the only way some of them can be wanted.
3. The only way you can find nothing is if you are looking for something.
2. Trains are invisible except for the solid parts.
1. There are stupid questions but stupid questions are better than stupid statements.
Pie Talk Live! was a one time spoof of the
syndicated radio show Modern Rock Live! I did on a cassette in
September 1998 when I was 13 years old. This before I was using the
name Piemerica (this was under Pie Inc.)
I remember listening to rock interviews where the artists would admit
to illegal drug use in one way or another on air. I wondered they got
away with it so in this show the host sets up the guest to admit to
illegal drug use to get him arrested.
New Piemerica YouTube Channel
Because YouTube has surpassed
DailyMotion in video quality etc. I will be very slowly putting up all
Piemerica videos on this channel most of which have only appeared on
our Dailymotion Channel.
I am also putting up the Audio of Piemerican Disc on this channel.
Thursday,
January 20,
2011
Jibber Jabber 2010 Updated
* What do you have to say about talking?
* Speak in post-egg accents
* Do matches match?
* In the summer I decided to take out the trash during the rainfall so
I took my raincoat. The result due to the heat ended in the same soaked
result.
* You sound like you're sleeping because you aren't saying anything and
that is what you do when you are asleep.
* What is this.
This is what.
* Can you give me directions to your farm? If you don't have a farm
that is ok I just want some more corn.
* Can I tell you what I think or would that be talking and not thinking?
* Bluegrass tastes better than rock and rap. Unless the rap you are
talking about is the tortilla with food in it.
* YouTube kept the tube alive because we are going to flat screens with
no tubes.
* Today I am 300 months old. What will I be tomorrow? Only time will
tell.
* Here are some notes I took: ♫♪♪♫
* I heard today is a month. Do my ears tell time?
* Break the Sauce
* I like shoes because they keep me from knowing how hard the ground of
places I don't take my shoes off is.
* Masked potatoes
* Those goons! Next time I see the government I'm gonna be really
confused because how can you see an entity like that?
* What neutral color do you feel most neutral about?
* What is your fourth favorite primary color?
* Talk like a keyboard you say "Enter" at the beginning and
"Escape" at the end.
* Is this a question.
* How many fingers am I holding down?
* What is your eighth favorite day of the week?
* How old aren't you?
* Monotype instead of stereotype
* You gotta crank this down some.
Saturday,
November 27, 2010
FLAC downloads now available for Minds 1-14
Thursday,
October 28, 2010
12th
Anniversary of using the name Piemerica
New Comedy Quotes Collection:
The Twenty-Fornineitude
1. I may not be Norman but I rock well.
2. I have seen a pillow with the "Choking hazard small parts" warning.
Perhaps it should have a smothering warning instead.
3. I'm going to make some bad pancakes and give them out to people.
When the consensus comes in that they taste horrible I will call the
recipe "panned cakes."
4. I'd like to meet the guy who invented donuts. I'd ask him.. "Hey man
can I have some free donuts?" Being the inventor I figure he'd have the
most.
5. Should I be worried about internal bleeding in my veins?
6. Do women who want to keep their own last name when getting married
ever stop to think that their last name came from their father and not
their mother?
7. If your A.D.D. was affected by your A.D.D. would you then have no
A.D.D. at all because it cancels itself out by not being able to pay
attention to itself?
8. If you hate guns would you shoot a gun with a gun because you hate
it so much?
9. Considering all the live streaming video sites out there I was
thinking to myself. "I should be the first to make a live movie." Then
I thought, "What like a play?" And thus my dream of being a pioneer was
crushed.
10. I spell "recipe" as "recipie" because pie is so good that it should
be in every recipe. That is how you turn spelling errors into succes!
11. Falling in love is for girls. I never fell in love. I jumped in.
That is what a man does.
12. Spanish is my second language but I haven't gotten around to it yet.
13. It is better than ever, but ever is not even that good because it
takes soo loong!
14. Oh I get it.. pick up lines are the opposites of put downs.
15. Person 1: What do you think about golf?
Person 2: I don't really care for it.
Person 1: No, no. What do you think not
what do you say.
16. Person 1: Louie? Who is Louie?
Person 2: Some guy with a name.
17. Someone once told me, "You could stand to lose some weight." I
said, "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." So I stood there & I
stood there & I stood there & I never lost any weight. More bad
weight loss advice!
18. When you are a kid or a teenager and someone makes fun of your
weight there is not much you can do. But when you are an adult and
someone does it you can just respond with, "You think I'm big now? You
should have seen me 4 years ago I was twice as big!" And then they'll
say, "Wow you look great!" Thus you have made someone go from disgust
to adoration in less than one minute.
19. Not being confusing confuses me.
20. Sure we can pop balloons but how many of us can populate balloons?
Are we willing to take residence in one for so long?
21. Makes non-sense to me.
Sunday,
August 22,
2010
New Teaching Literal
Example of Discipling
Here is a completely literal picture of
discipling straight from scripture.
'John was standing with two of his disciples, Gazing at Jesus as he
walked by, he said, “Look, the Lamb of God!” When John’s two disciples
heard him say this, they followed Jesus' (John 1:35-37).
John (the baptist) as a discipler literally pointed His disciples to
Jesus and they literally followed Him. This is what we are to do in the
spirit. As a disciple we willingly follow Jesus. As a discipler we
point others to Christ so that they may follow Him.
Friday,
August 20,
2010
New Teaching Conversion
Converts Character
The indication of a true follower of Christ
is the change of character that God produces in His children. Many try
to only do what God commands instead of realizing that God wants to
make them into someone who will, in character, naturally be inclined to
do what He commands.
Often those who claim to be Christians will have an emotional
experience of confession (conversion) but following Christ is a matter
of the will and the mind, not of feelings alone. "This is how we know
we are in God: The one who says he resides in Him must walk just as
Jesus walked" (1 John 2:5-6).
2 Corinthians 7:10 also exposes the hollowness of emotional
"conversion."
"Sorrow without repentance is the kind that results in death."
Repentance is an act of the will to turn from sin and to God. John the
baptist said in Matthew 3:8 "Produce fruit that proves your repentance"
or as another translation puts it, "Prove by the way you live that you
have really turned from your sins and turned to God."
Tuesday-Thursday,
August 3-12,
2010
New Lessons
8/3/10
The only way you can find nothing is if you are looking for something.
8/4/10
How many sneezes must a man sneeze before you call him sick? The answer
my friend is blowing in the wind because germs travel by air.
8/5/10
Nothing is fool proof. That is how foolish a fool is.
8/6/10
My dad's name is Art but other people have names too.
8/7/10
Women who want to keep their own last name when getting married never
stop to think that their last name came from their father and not their
mother.
8/8/10
Cup pies would be good but they would also be too small!
8/9/10
Pick up lines are the opposites of put downs.
8/10/10
A paranormal investigator is a normal investigator with a parachute.
8/11/10
We have been going to flat screens with no tubes but YouTube has kept
the tube alive.
8/12/10
Bluegrass tastes better than rock and rap. Unless the rap you are
talking about is the tortilla with food in it.
Monday,
July 12,
2010
Jibber Jabber 2010 Updated
• I just can't watch Man vs. Food it makes me
hungry, covetous, and jealous. :(
• Genesis has NES in
the word. GeNESis. So it turns out Genesis does what Nintendid.
• So after 20+ years I've finally realized
that the pipes in the Mario Bros games may have something to do with
the Mario Bros being plumbers. I was 17 before I realized that T-shirts
were T-shaped (but of course so are all shirts with sleeves).
• Slang words suck daddio
• If anyone has an egg crate cushion and 100 eggs to put in it I will
lay on it and it will be fun and messy.
• Just realized that crackers are white and there may be a correlation
between this and its slang usage referring to caucasians.
• I don't accept your except.
• Who ever turned 21 on 7/7/07 must have had a cool birthday.
• So......ap
• Easter is the day we remember the death on the cross of Jesus Christ
but every day we are to live in His life.
• I am eating pre-wine.
• Once fought a miner rat with a laser hat in the subway of a floating
city, but that is an NES game for you.
• And then I typed in this status message. And.. that is the whole
story.
This is an arrow that doesn't point.
• My Talk the Talk Challenge for Flower: I am not like a flower
because if you blow on me I will not break and I will not bend. So give
me my time because I'm always in bloom and my season never ends.
• My 5th anniversary of YouTube Story: I uploaded a bunch of
videos and almost no one watched or commented on any of them. Oh and my
video for Punch My Cat in the Face got flagged.
• I am considered smart enough by my peers to where if I say something
stupidly implausible people will question basic reality.
• I'm taking a poll. Do you think it is ok to take a pole?
• What if I intentionally paid the wrong person the right price?
• Thanks to U-Verse for never letting me go very long at all without
internet connectivity. Unless it is off when I'm asleep.. I better stay
awake 24/7 just to be sure..
• Just got the Greater Memphis phonebook and I am thrilled! I thought
the regular Memphis phonebook was as good as it gets, boy was I wrong!
... Wait so if this is the Greater.. that must mean there is a greatest
on the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Two too much too
• I'll remember that right now.
• But wait there's more.. if you act now or later
• I have grown increasingly fond of bullets. Uh this kind, •.
• Friends know each other? Oh now I get it!
• It is not good to say the coolest things because that would be cold.
• I'm from 11ic-1.
• Since I live in the central time zone does that mean I will live one
hour longer than those in the eastern time zone or does it mean I will
die one hour sooner?
• I hate the US because it is a hypocrite but the A is good.
• I like stupid questions?
• Accidents are a bad addiction.
• I know people get bug bites but who has gotten chewed on by a bug?
• I over came to a birthday party once. I thought it was bi-annual
instead of annual.
• When I turn 25 I'll be 300 months old which should I celebrate more?
• Da Emp is roll'd time out ferrets..
• Turn your spelling errors into succes!
• If you no longer fear me Piemerica.org is a real place of mine with
art and sounds and lights (if your monitor is lit).
Jibber Jabber 2009 Updated Emperor MAR
at the End of the Decade
* I can still say 'ot next decade (and the rest of the century) if I
word the years per this example "2 'ot 10" Discovering this pains
me because I could have been saying 2 'ot 'ot 9
* Getting ready to say goodbye to the last decade of the decade.
* Hopes his eastern time zone friends don't ruin his new year. If they
do he'll just have to take it out on his Mountain and Pacific time zone
friends.
* Feels bad for all the kids to be born at 11:59 tonight. They'll have
to wait all year for their birthday. Kids born at 12:00 tomorrow will
get to have their birthday right at the beginning of the year.
Ultra Personal Status
Updates
* On my 24th birthday: Thanks for all the birthday wishes
everyone. This has been my happiest birthday in at least a year and
ranks in the top 24 for sure!
* Some times I write on my Facebook wall but usually I don't. Look at
my wall and do the math if you don't believe me.
* Food Dood postponed due to: tiredness, onions, lack of funds/puns,
slanted forks, sack of transportations, laziness, September ending, and
most of all the 7% left unfinished. Also about injury, fatigue, and a
mysterious black envelope
* November 7: Just trimmed the longest beard I've ever had. Now I
have phantom beard syndrome.
Until last year I thought the message when
the Sega Genesis boots up said "Produced by Dr Under License by Sega
Enterprises Ltd." Then I finally took a good look and took a second to
think and realized it says "OR" not "DR"
Thursday,
June 24, 2010
New Lingo: Emoticon -
An emotional prisoner. He was an emoticon of her
love. Bootiful
-
Beauty that is envied. She is soo
bootiful. I hate her!
Links: Piemerican Lingo
Friday,
April 30, 2010
Reviews, Single Link Downloads, In Page
Streams, & All Related Artwork now on all 4 MARS releases from 2005 & 7 releases from 2007.
Sunday,
April 25, 2010
Reviews, Single Link Downloads, In Page
Streams, & All Related Artwork now on all 28 MARS releases from 2004 including the
previously unavailable Backtracking.
Monday,
April 19, 2010
New Comedy Quotes Collection:
The Twenty-Eighthornaltude
No Census Is Worth These Questions
1. I'm taking a reverse census. Where are you not from?
2. There were here. Where?
3. Which one of you is the other one?
4. If you can read this say "I can't read."
5. Have you met your friends yet?
6. Name someone you've never even heard of.
7. Do you make your own hair, do you grow it yourself?
8. How many books are in your eyebrow?(Zero is the obvious answer).
9. If you had no face would you be able to face in a given direction?
10. Does your clock talk? Does it tell time? Well if it tells time it
talks right?
11. If <3 is love is >3 hate?
12. How old was earth on the last Earth Day, that is its birthday right?
13. How long is now?
14. Is this that thing I've heard so none about?
15. Byron Inc? That guy misspelled ink on his sign why would anyone
want to buy ink from him now?
16. Hey it has been a while, is one still a number?
No Questions Are Worth These Answers
1. Yo yo yo, that is my new invention it's the sequel to the yoyo.
2. I'm so bad at rollerskating I can't even standstillerskate.
3. What is my taste in music? I prefer bluegrass to rock because grass
is more of a food.
4. I wish all Canadians would say eh like Fonzie says Eyyy!
5. I'm a man of the world. All of my clothes are imported.
My shirt was made in Gatar. My pants were made in Bangladesh. My
underwear was made in Honduras. My shoes were made in China.
6. I talk so fast, I talk at the speed of sound.
7. This is not a show but a tell.
8. Running into a Volley of Green
9. Thanks for nothin' because I like nothing.
10. This song is too mellow it should be more mtn dew.
11. Yo Imma roll out, I'll catch you on the flop side because the flip
side just doesn't do it for me.
12. I thought mirrors were me because wherever I see one there I am.
Sunday,
April 18,
2010
Jibber Jabber 2010 Established:
* How many numbers are in a 10? 2 or 10
* Is one the highest number since 1st place is the best?
* Do you ever wonder why people wonder about things?
* I, as a Food Dood (fat guy who loves food), haven't even dreamed
about eating in my sleep (except in actual dreams).
* New Net Slang: ">>" for "Right Right"
* My real world name is Michael I know it is a rare name you probably
haven't heard of it.
* How many times can I say comb in the single instance of me saying
comb? I think it is one.
* Where Wolf
* When you are in the mirror how do you know it is you talking and not
the mirror?
* Train whisk unfurling
* Budget knocking pellets
* You for an uneight
* Where were your teeth yesterday?
* How many bugs are in this sentence?
* A leader is someone who intentionally guides another or others
utilizing his or her collective wisdom, knowledge, experience, and
skill.
* Alot of people worry about getting old. No matter how old you get
there will always be a lot of people out there older than you. The
problem is that the longer you live the more people are born and thus
younger than you and the people older than you start dying off.
* It is invisible except for the solid part.
* A blink is two simultaneous winks.
* How many people are just one of you?
* How many keys are on your keyboard? Wow how many cars or houses do
you have?
* Do you like to answer questions in sequence?
* To someone wearing Headphones: Hey man, why does your necklace
start in your ears?
* You can call me anytime except now and the past.
* How many friends do you have? Name zero of them.
* Chronologically what is your first name?
* How many times a day do you eat lunch?
* My star power is too much because I got a star in cereal and a power
munch consumed it.
* Have you ever wished you were dead and it came true but you had 3
wishes so here you are now?
* This song sucks, it is too short.. oh wait it is still going.
* I have lived long enough to know how to die.
* So if you are afraid of heights then you fall asleep in caves?
* I can sound like forks if I bang them together.
* I wish I had an acquaintance who frequently utilized the phrase "my
friend" so that I may feel well liked.
* toodleoooooohhnooooo
* Have you ever high fived your clock at five o'clock?
* her blanket is a storch that takes the computer under the linen horse
socket
* I like your chair, I hate it so much!
Slowing
until I fold in half
I've
finally got the right idea swimming around in my head
I just hope that this time I don't put these thoughts to bed
Though I try I don't think that I want to do it
My legs seem to prove it
Now I'm here
Slowing until I fold in half
Don't want this to be a photograph
I wish I had never been here
I don't want to lose track of myself
Because I will go over the rails
I don't want to be alone in a crack
C'mon and blow this thing wide open
I want to blow it wide open
Still no one will stare at that
I can't lose the control I never had
And I am almost under siege
So I am begging please "Lord pull me out"
Now I'm here
Facing fear but not doubt
When I should be wringing out
Ringing out for you
Though I try I don't think that I want to do it
My legs seem to prove it
I'm folding in half
I can't take longer than the aftermath
Rock Well
I may not
be Norman but I rock well
And let me tell ya I won't fail ya
I've got the best rhymes in history, this ain't no mystery, I'm on the
list you see
When it comes to rhyming I've got the timing
To run your mind in, in circles
I can even find a rhyme with purple
I'm the master and you can have a blast with me a blast so big it be a
catastrophe
Make you get out yo seat, move your feet, make you feel complete
I'm the diplomat of fat. The royal guard of lard. The mother geese of
obese.
And when my rhyming just won't cease you've got to move your feet
Because I'm a thrilla that lives in a villa, I sleep on my pilla, My
folders are manilla
And let me tell ya I won't fail ya
Because I may not be Norman but I rock well
Wednesday,
March 24,
2010
Episode Guide for Food Dood Now Complete
Links: Food Dood Episode
Guide
Monday,
March 22,
2010
Audio Clip from Golfulating IV added to Chatitude
Joenan: Are you alright?
Emperor MAR: Man I got hurt..
Joenan: Really?
Emperor MAR: Emotionally that you would do that.
Emperor MAR: My camera almost fell out of my pocket some.
Joenan: Some?
Emperor MAR: It went out a little bit, that's no good.
Links: Chatitude,
Golfulating IV
Imploding
I don't
quite understand the means or the end
Who am I to be living for?
Just myself again with supernatural power
What am I doing here?
Not to be guided but to learn how to drive and steer my own way
The same way as yesterday but with new power
Please tell me who am I to be living for
Do I qualify by saying a name?
Can it really be change if I stay the same?
How can life be beautiful when I'm soaked in sin and never turn from
what I should ignore?
What is the goal gonna be?
What am I supposed to see?
Could we be looking beside the fact?
Tell me, tell me where I'm at
Well should I just keep coming here
Expecting to learn when your good thoughts disappear
Have you thought this through or do you just want another through the
door?
Please tell me who am I to be living for
I hear a name but aside from that I just hear the same as I have in the
rest of the world
I swallow with no time to digest
You rush me on & on & on
I swallow with no time to digest
Am I being led & fed or am I on this roller coaster prescribed
One size fits all all of the time
Saturday,
February 13, 2010
New Song Recordings:
Recorded renditions by SarahEmily or yourromeo from
Blogtv of New Not
Unwilling, The Rail, Forgotten
Lyrics:
Have To
Have Two
When I
don't want to be breaking..
I don't want to be here but I'm here for the taking..
And I know if it was true
I would know the same as you
And we wouldn't have to
When I walk up to the street I shouldn't be crossing..
I don't want to be on this road. I'm sure at a loss here..
And I know if it was true
We would see enough but wouldn't have to do
No we wouldn't have to
We wouldn't have to
As if we ever did
If you don't want to be here don't
If you don't want to share don't
If you don't want to you don't have to
No you don't have to
When we want to show love but all we do is shrug
We still have to
Ain't that the truth
We still have to
Or there isn't a me or a you
No there isn't a me without love
No there isn't a you without love
And I want to love
I want to love
Love, love, love
Oh yeah we just have to
You've got to have two
Friday,
January 22, 2010
Top 10 Lessons of 2009 (For the 9th anniversary of lessons)
10. If you're afraid of loosing your home you
really should have bought a bigger house. Most people's houses are very
easy to see.
9. Always keep your priorities straight unless one of your priorities
is bending.
8. Don't let the cat out of the bag or people will know you're not a
good pet owner.
7. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen or just open the
fridge.
6. If you're eaten out of house and home don't build your house out of
gingerbread next time.
5. When someone says to you, "It's a small world." tell them to go take
a walk.
4. Oven mitts are the best things to catch hot ovens with but you still
shouldn't be playing catch with ovens.
3. Sometimes life really stinks but death always smells worse.
2. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,
except when your child goes missing.
1. In athletics often pros are cons.
Thursday,
January 21, 2010
New Comedy Quotes Collection:
Enornal Twenty-Sevenitude
1. Someone should sue Starbucks. They sell
litterable litter, literally.
2. I don't ever try
anything new or old. I get things done.
3. This is how I how now.
4. I lost all concept of time last.. um... uh..
5. I only have one arm (on my left side).
6. How many times has someone asked you this question?
7. Anyone who runs into idiots isn't good at running.
8. I'm tired of their he and she-nanigans how many times
do they have to be nan?
9. My doctor says yes but not relating to that question.
10. I'm a real vocabulary buff. In fact I just finished reading
the English dictionary. I didn't like it though. It wasn't wordy enough
for me. Next time I'll read the Spanish-English dictionary, that has a
lot more words.
11. When it comes to poetry I'm not poetic I'm poeattit.
12. I like to mess up mess halls to be literal and then I
convert them into halls.
13. I could invent a parachute for a parakeet and call the bird
a paraparakeet.
14. Ge-off: A woman from the Current in St. Louis took
this picture.
Emperor MAR: How did you get the
picture back?
15. Amnesia is a strange thing. It makes me wonder if I've had
it before because how would I remember if I did? There seems to be no
way of knowing.
16. Ge-off: Hope to see you in the past?
Emperor MAR: Oh yeah seeing me in
the past is the easiest way to see me if you already know me.
17. You're so great that on an alphabetic scale with A being the
worst you'd be asleep.
18. Food for thought if you can fit it in your tum
19. (While Looking at the night sky). Which one are these
stars is the sun?
20. Every time I sleep I live a dream.
Links: Enornal Twenty-Sevenitude
Wednesday,
January 20, 2010
Script Bits Page:
Massive page of unused scripted exchanges from over
the years.
Links: Script
Bits
Stranger:
What brings you to this website?
Emperor MAR: http & tcip brought me here on the technical side
Stranger: yeahhh i kno
Emperor MAR: you have too many h's but not enough w's
Emperor MAR: here are some for you
Emperor MAR: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Emperor MAR: use them wisely (originally I just had a lot of u's but I
converted them up into w's)
Stranger: how are the squares?
Emperor MAR: surprisingly round
Saturday,
January 16, 2010
New Find the Irony:
Turn right at the next left.
If you're going to leave that on turn it off.
Links: Find the
Irony
Jibber Jabber 2009 Completed:
* I'm glad we got big toes instead of thumbs
on our feet because if we had thumbs on our feet we could only count to
16, or 16 +4.
* I'm like that good kinda good when good isn't bad.
* When looking at duplicate photos.
"Wow how did you stand still that long?"
* The Titanic sank on my wife's birthday.
On my birthday a joint American–French expedition located the
wreck of the Titanic.
* Letters never sent. Letters never written.
* Do you enjoy having hours of enjoyment?
* Foot start
* Unbrella? This doesn't look like a brella to me but I guess that's
the point.
* Rice less
* You're my friend right? You'll read my comedy magazine won't you?
http://piemerica.org/pfo/pmag/pm4/info.html If you won't then I'll
reveal that Keith Apicary is the real you and that Nathan Barnatt is
the real character! Oh no, I just revealed it. Now my threat won't
work.. unless I make you forget about it. Hey look over there! There's
a MySpace ad on facebook! ... hahaha sucker..
* I was just thinking that right now.
* I have too many Ids in my wallet. Who is this guy?
* I am wearing a costume. I'm dressed up as my friend Allan dressed up
like me. He has a really good costume.
* This is the under time of the mofling race?
* I was there in the picture and I saw through the screen.
* *non-descript emoticon*
* Out of the numbers 3 & 1 which is your favorite and why?
* you bussing that egg heart?
* ain't a lock press the on
* I like listen to the wind of nature and the birds who eat bird in
surprising places
* You want to be a smash hit? Hit something now and smash it!
* When I eat eggs they go to my legs they make me feel like I'm walking
on pegs
Links: Jibber
Jabber 2009
New Lingo: Reverse Nosey
- One who unneccissarily tells others details of their own life.
Links: Piemerican Lingo
Saturday,
December 19,
2009
Boo! Bub? Boo. Bluh? - Food Dood
3rd episode of our full-length sketch comedy show.
Thursday,
December 17,
2009
The Making of Food Dood, Live Behind the Scenes Special
Wednesday,
December 16,
2009
Music by MARS:
Final release from 2004, Dismemories now available
for download and stream MARS 2009 Release page
now has new streaming and download options
Christ's
Bond of Unity
My God
found favor in me
He gave me love that will never leave
He gave me life from the Spirit to breathe
He gave me a wife that I will never leave
I love you
Not just yesterday but today and forever
My God holds us so no one can sever
Our love goes on forever and we owe it only to our King
I know whatever comes to us God can live through us
And make us better than we could be
And gives us light to share so others can see
He makes it look so easy because His love is amazing
I am so thankful
His love flows through me so you can be by loved me
I've done all I can do
I have surrendered and let God love you through me because I love you
too
And there's nothing this world can do
Because God gave me a wife that I will never leave & that I will
always love
I know that He loves me because He is loving me through you
And I know I love you because He's giving me love for you too
Love that never ends
Love that never leaves
God has found favor in us and now the two are one, the three are two
and we live and love in Christ's bond of unity.
Firsts
I don't
know what else there is to say
I'm still enamored with all the games we play
They sure are fun
I don't know what else there is to do
But I still love doing everything with you
You still make me stunned
I'll pour my heart out every day
And you will gladly take whatever comes your way
I love your heart of course
Right now and back to our firsts
When I see you by my side
I am overjoyed by you my lovely bride
Jibber Jabber 2009 Updated Emperor MAR the Fortune
Teller:
» Do you have any money on you? Let me see it. I see a US American 1974
quarter. That's not a fortune but it's a start.
» You're still poor.
» Let
me read your palm. Hmm I see a Z..V..Y, looks to be some sort of
acrynoym. I don't know what this stands for. You're future seems to be
unclear.
» I forsee you visiting a fortune teller .. sorry my watch is a bit
slow.
Links: Jibber
Jabber 2009
Tuesday,
October 20,
2009
Star & Micey Debut Album
Star & Micey, a band including Piemericans Ge-off Smythe
& Omaha
Nebraska (Geoff Smith & Josh Cosby), has their debut album out
today on Ardent Music. Emperor MAR gives it 5 stars.
Top 3 ways to loose money in a
business:
3. Burn down the insurance company instead of your
building.
2. Using the classic sales pitch & then putting
it into action,
"We Burn Money!
1. Play hide & go seek with the funds