2/2/01
When someone tells you it's good to give, they are not talking about
savage beatings or other violent acts.
2/3/01
When seeing a plastic bag blow in the wind, don't go after it because
it's usually blowing across the heavily trafficated road.
2/4/01
Trees grow faster when they're small.
2/4/02
Ever heard of a sleep walker? No. That's because they try not to wake
anyone up.
2/4/05
Good news reverses the blues.
2/5/01
Hiring a thug may help someone to get savagely beaten. Hiring a mug may
help someone to drink something after they've eaten.
2/5/02
If anyone ever tells you to put on a happy face & you see someone
smiling & decide to rip their face off they nor their face will be
happy anymore.
2/6/01 Flashback Edition
Food taste good, Results only occur when eaten.
2/7/01
If you think you're ever wearing red glasses & don't remember
putting them on you might be bleeding through the eye.
2/7/05
Kids draw pictures but the only thing grownups draw is lottery tickets.
2/8/01
Remember those cans in the garage aren't melted ice cream. No matter
how many colors & wooden spoons there are.
2/9/01 This Lesson was based on a Comic
Microwaves are not robots, so they do not count as dependents on tax
forms. Even if you do feed it everyday.
2/9/05
Both fast & slow moving people may tell you to "hold on."
2/10/09
While a while is some, some while is a while longer.
2/11/03
Sticks & stones may brake your bones but that doesn't mean your
bones are made out of sticks so stop rubbing your hands together, Now!
2/11/05
Read something twice so it will sound familiar.
2/11/07 Flash Back Edition:
You are what you eat which is why people who eat too much are called
pigs and cows.
People who eat chicken are scared to eat unhealthy.
2/12/01
You can't peel a carrot with an ice cube.
2/12/03
People that sneeze a lot are just trying to get blessed without being
good.
2/12/05 Flashback Edition:
You can make music without sound if you write it & no one plays it.
2/12/07
For a loner every bye is a good bye
2/13/01 Flashback Edition
They say that Jon Shaft is a bad mother. Although Jon Shaft is not a
woman and has no children.
2/13/02
If you ever get to the point where you can't take it anymore.... give
it out.
2/13/03
Beware! Homeless people may have houses because a house is not a home.
2/13/07
There is no such thing as nothing.
2/14/01
Disease Jelly is not a good Valentine's Day gift.
2/14/03
The best time to teach someone how to dance is when there is snow on
the ground that way they can see all the steps.
2/14/07
Jesus is the Rock So Rock Music is good
2/15/01
You can run for position of Judge at any age.
2/15/02
Think Positively!
"I always fail to succeed, unless I succeed to fail"
2/15/03
Life isn't about accomplishments. It's about eating things that
shouldn't go in your mouth but are still edible.
2/15/07
Electricity is good at meditating because it has so many ohms.
2/16/01
When using an appliance sure the start button may seem like a good way
to use it but what about the on button?
2/16/07
The only thing most rappers have murdered is the English language.
2/17/01
Eat bread it make glass shine.
2/17/03
Want to become president of something but just can't be elected?
Well as long as you don't have original ideas you shouldn't have to.
2/17/07
A stupid cook makes Duh-licious food.
2/18/07
Don't regret, regress.
2/19/02
A lesson for the Ages
It's hot when summer rolls around so: Killing in cold blood won't cool
you off & If you ever say to yourself "animals shed fur to cool off
maybe I should shed blood" Well, don't give it a second thought or else
you might do it twice.
2/19/03
If you ever buy brown shoes but the other shoes of the same type aren't
brown, there's a bum in the store.
2/19/07
The size of your waist line indicates how much waste you intake.
2/20/01 Flashback Edition
It is nearly over when All that is left are dime lickers & envelope
glue addicts. It is completely over when people begin to eat crackers
on TOAST!
2/20/02
Catastrosphere's Lost Lesson
If anyone ever says to you 'How are you doing today?' in the morning,
just say 'It is too early in the day to properly evaluate this
question.'
2/20/03
If anyone ever alludes to what will be written on your grave, don't
argue for graffiti is always a possibility.
2/20/07
At the buffet it is survival of the fittest. The fat people who eat too
much die young and the fit people survive.
2/21/01
If someone asks a group of people "Is everything ok?", the person who
is not ok probably can't answer due to not being ok.
2/21/02
If you take away the 'y' in "It's all your fault" "It's all our fault"
2/21/03
I got some confess'n this ain't no lesson.
2/21/05
Due to the popularity of plastic surgery the term "picking your nose"
takes on a whole new meaning.
2/21/07
You can always afford to pay attention.
2/22/01
If it is raining at night & you go out for a stroll in the
sunshine, it won't work.
2/22/03
When climbing a ladder here's a thing to remember.
Don't climb a ladder up a tree after someone says "timber!"
2/22/05
Man can love gold & money it is true but those things will never
love you.
2/22/07
The first Chinese caveman was named Ug Lee.
2/22/08
The reason God chastens us is because we’re
running.
Flashback Edition (1/18/05)
Words do hurt when you try to bite them.
2/23/01
When going on a car trip the best way to ensure you get there is keep
enough gas in it to not run out.
2/23/03
It is Sunday there is a thing you must learn.
Although it is called SUNday it does not mean things must burn.
2/23/08
God caused people to lose their sight as they
get older to make it easier on them when having to look in the
mirror.
2/24/03
When packing a Christmas box you must remember, do not give it away
until late December.
2/24/08
It is creative people who now make normal people normal.
Dial up is so slow it is as if one is dialing in the 1s & 0s
manually.
2/25/02
Don't know the difference of past, present, & future? Here you go:
past- Something in front of you
Present- a form of gift
Future- a small amount of ture
2/25/03
Being forced to compete in the Olympics can be stressful.
...
That is all.
2/25/08 Flashback Edition (3/11/05)
It is smart to scrach most itches but not all if abiding by
public decency laws.
2/26/01
Just because you can work on the railroad doesn’t mean you can whistle.
2/26/02
M.A.R.'S Lesson for Pie Inc. Day
Getting so mad that you could dig until you find dirt isn't getting mad
at all so since you're not mad celebrate Pie Inc. Day & eat a pie.
2/26/03
If you're ever caught in a blizzard.. paleontologist aren't for
juggling.
2/26/08 Flashback Edition (4/1/05)
Orange is the only sweet color.
2/27/01 Flashback Edition
Hoop does not mean pick.
2/27/02
Treading on thin ice is much more dangerous than walking on it.
2/27/03
Let something drive you crazy.
It's better to be chauffeured than to drive yourself there.
2/27/08 Lost Lesson (writtten for Lesson Mania Week 2006
on 5/14/06)
The simple way to disguise a pimple is to act like it is an outie
dimple.
2/28/01
When someone gives you a gift it is better to not repay them, than to
lock them in your basement, feed them nothing but bow ties until they
say "I admit I'm a leprechaun."
2/28/02 -by MAR
If you have a music band that is doing poorly, buying a box of
band-aids won't help them. You need Neosporin®
2/28/03
The perfect time to run in slow-motion is when it's windy out, that way
it fells like you're really going fast.
2/28/05
Memory is important so.............
