3/2/01
Squirrels, no steam in the window.
3/2/02 -by MAR
Humans have skin, Robots have tin, Time has when.
3/2/05
The sun is the solar system's space heater.
3/3/01
Tasting cobble stones is not a good way to become popular among the
fishes.
3/3/02 -by MAR
Light Bulbs = Pro Fits
So don't come whining to me.
3/4/01
Constantly simulating Lawns does not make you Catastrosphere, because
you are not Ultimate at doing it.
3/5/01
Asking someone to do something & them doing it is never sure.
Getting someone to run when you poo something will get them out that
door.
3/5/02
People rarely pass up a golden opportunity. That's because it's so
valuable.
3/6/01 Flashback Edition
You can't put a porkupine in a barn, light it on fire and expect it to
make licorice. -Ross Perot 1996
3/6/02
Stop being pessimistic!
Don't think of them as empty threats (promises). Think of them as
unfulfilled threats (promises).
3/7/01
If you ever become a sailor & use a map remember the real land
doesn’t have its name written on it.
3/8/01
If you say "hey look at me" beware for one of the people there may
stalk you for the rest of your life.
3/8/05
One day cell phones will get so small people will call them cell phones.
3/9/01
Keep in mind your shampoo is scented not flavored.
3/10/04
When driving & dialing a cell phone at the same time beware for a
fellow motorist may suggest you dial with an alternate finger.
3/11/04
If you are too shy to make a toast at a special event don't buy a
toaster.
3/11/05
If you pay attention you may be in for more than you bargained for
3/12/02
It's always better to take a short cut, unless it involves the mob.
3/12/03
It is said "shut your mouth & open your ears" yet during disasters
the opposite is done.
3/12/04
If all of your friends jump off a bridge, remember it when picking new
friends.
3/13/02
When there's nothing left to do dance!
Cause dancing will cheer anybody up....
except the cripple.
3/13/03
Don't share pants with your shirt.
3/13/04
It's confusing to listen to two speakers at the same time.
3/14/03
If a tree falls in the forest be glad you don't live in the forest.
3/14/04
Train owners in the 1800s were very bad people so that they could get
much coal every Christmas.
3/15/02
If someone says to you "I have to get a drink to water" you may think
them at fault thinking they meant to say "I have to get a drink of
water" but if they are talking about kool-aid or a dry mix drink. Then
you are at fault if you point that out.
3/15/03
If you are afraid of lasers you should be afraid of phasers also.
3/15/04
Glass is shallow.
3/16/02
Meetings are fleeting without eating.
3/16/03
Making clothing out of cotton candy is not acceptable.
3/16/04
Dogs go on dates too if you run out of news paper.
3/17/02
Crazy? I'd have to be crazy to think I'm not crazy! In short, I don't
think I'm crazy.
3/17/03
When crossing the road, stop & think long & hard about your
safety.
3/18/09
Losing your mind is good for you but better still is taking it off and
out.
3/19/01
A writing utensil is not something you use to talk to your food with;
when your parents tell you to be quiet at the dinner table.
3/20/01 Flashback Edition
Pie taste good and can be shared by all.
3/21/01
Getting lost in the woods at night can show you how much of a man you
are. It can also show you how much of a man you aren't.
3/22/01
Not experiencing life full enough? Want to feel the happiness of a
steady job & the thrill of quitting? Then get 2 identical jobs,
just at different companies. Work at them for 5 years simultaneously.
Quit one & you'll still have a steady job but also the thrill of
quitting.
3/22/04
If you're a big fan of fans recycling has gone too far.
3/23/01
Handles are not considered a sand.
3/23/04
Never let a witch tell you to be quiet for you would cease to exist.
3/24/09 Flashback Edition
The opposite of sitting is standing. The opposite of walking is
standing still. Therefore the opposite of sitting is walking.
3/25/09 Flashback Edition
Traveling through New Mexico is never boring if you bring another city
with you and a very large truck.
3/26/01
If a potato wedge had arms it would probably try to punch you a couple
of times before you eat it, but you wouldn't care since it had no hands.
3/27/01 Flashback Edition
Slack Jawed Yokels' Huking can raise self-esteem in decent human
beings.
3/27/02
Safety=Danger
3/28/01
If you are going to Alabama & don't have a sand box you may or may
not be in trouble.
3/28/04
It's hard to tell someone what because they always think you're asking
them a question.
3/29/01
If driving & you take a wrong street the 2 best ways to get back
are:
1. Drive recklessly across people's lawns.
2. Park in someone's garage & loiter soliciting as much as possible.
3/30/01
When in a race fall down & yell "Help!" to slow the others down.
3/30/05
The longer cops patrol the more petrol they use.
3/31/05
The newcomer is always undefeated.