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July
7/1/05
You cannot sell a home. Homes are emotional attachments defined by emotions & experiences.

7/2/05
The hardest thing about being young is getting old.

7/3/04
If you try to change a bird you will find that birds don't wear clothes.

7/3/05
The idea of asking someone to guess "What?" is because "What?" is a question & them saying that gets you the ability to ask them what they want.

7/4/05
Outer space is no reason for haste.

7/5/05
The tooth draft has the most interesting tooth picks.

7/5/07
A vehicle without a garage is homeless.

Don't dwell just deal.

If you drink the wrong thing down you could be put in the ground.

With the invention of basketball a white man gave back to black men over time billions of dollars and billions of hours of fun. Seems like the white man has paid in full.

Groceries make you grow.

7/6/05 Flashback Edition:
The number one excuse to cheat at video games:  "I prefer the experience of the game to the challenge."

7/7/05
A wooden speed limit sign.. yeah that's pretty limited.

7/8/05
There is one good kind of heart attack and that is when your heart is attacked by love.

7/9/05
If you haven't learned your lesson yet then you shouldn't be teaching it.

7/10/05
Always pre-pair your socks.

Always be pre-paired that way you'll never be lonely.

7/11/05
It is hard to earn an honest buck because most US currency is filled with lies about eyes & various colored dyes.

7/12/05
The only restaurants that can really have homemade food are ones which used to be old people's houses.

7/13/05
The great thing about rain is that you can urinate & no one would even know it.

7/14/04
The future looks good yet constantly uncertain,
there is a window but it's always blocked by a curtain...

7/14/05
Dollar signs & dollars pretty much look the same except for scale.

7/15/05
From a helicopter you can see the world. From a plane you can see the sky. From space you can see space. But you can never truly see our eyes.

7/16/09
People that think hot dogs have disgusting ingredients should consider that they are called hot dogs so any ingredient they have that isn't dog is pretty much up from there.

Yet another bad combination:  Cute and funny but no money.

If your yard catches fire put up a sign that says, "Please Do Not Throw Fire"

It is never tomorrow.

7/17/09
If you don't like the word bad it's probably because it is no good.

Yet another bad combination:  Loud and proud in a hostile crowd of a differing opinion.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator so you can say, "I'll see you even later."

If you don't know the answer to a question use reverse psychology and ask a question.

7/18/09
If someone tells you to "Get Real" and you do so. Come back the next week and see if they tell you to "Keep it Real."

Four legged animals are usually faster than 2 legged people but if you want to feel the thrill of victory with something that has four legs, race your table and you will win because it is not an animal.

March is the most fit month.

Yet another bad combination:  Big and fat yet sleeping on a thin mat.

Thank you racists because if it weren't for you no one would know racism is bad.

If you don't like jokes about being rich you have a poor sense of humor.

Doing dangerous things for fun will make you feel alive but will make you feel dead much longer.

July is the least trusting month.

If you're walking down the street and get shot with a harpoon you should totally tell everyone you know about it because most people on the street get shot with boring old guns.

In athletics often pros are cons.

7/19/07
Old is sometimes the equivalent to cheap.

Innovation is beyond imagination.

7/20/05
Chili is one food which contradicts itself because it is hot but it sounds cold.

7/21/05
Breaking records is like broken records because people do it over & over again.

7/22/05
The scariest room in the house is the living room because it is alive!

7/23/05
Everyone starts out small.

7/24/05
It isn't always easy to ease drop.

7/25/05
Question questions & you'll always have something to do.

7/26/09
When sneezing people often say "achoo" but what people really mean to say is something else entirely. When you're about to sneeze you gasp and you can't make the sound of a T when you gasp. So you say "aah" and you end up saying "achoo" but what you really mean to say is "tissue" because that's what you need when you sneeze.

7/27/03
If it is hot outside & someone complains just tell them
"Lighten up it's the 90s"

7/28/08
Pollution is good for you. It makes you realize there should be less pollution.

When your clock is so slow it doesn't even know how to tell time, it's time to get a new clock.

One cannot prevent being a slacker because once one stops slacking one then slacks at slacking itself.

The reserves for the Marines are called Sub Marines.

7/29/08
Imitation is the highest form of annoyance.

The reason why kids eat crayons is because they are led to believe that colors are food when given popsicles.

Fun loving people get bored very easily.

When you find the onion bulbs at the top of the mountain the koalas will stop following you through walls of gelatin.

7/30/08
Mexican blood is like hot sauce it turns mosquitoes into fireflies.

Soap-operas aren't clean. However Soap-&-water-operas are.

The foot heals the fastest of all body parts because it has a built in heel.

If you run out of breath when walking up stairs, the stairs went way too high into the atmosphere.

7/31/08
The great thing about a sewer mane rupturing is that you can fart and nobody would even know.

Drugs aren't the answer, unless the question is "What is not the answer?"

If everyone liked being insulted there would be no more insults.

It's hard work gaining weight mainly because being out of shape causes you to be out of breath all the time.