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August
8/1/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/1/08
The best time to say goodbye is when you first meet someone.

Circus midgets who grew up living in circus tents find it difficult to transition into living in houses with walls because they feel confined in the space despite their small stature.

Investing is easy, just get in a vest.

If someone tells you "It's not the end of the world" to do something and by some coincidence the world does end when you do it, that person is going to feel pretty bad.

8/2/04
It's important to pay attention in order to stay out of debt.

8/3/09
The best part of waking up is getting to go back to sleep.

8/3/10
The only way you can find nothing is if you are looking for something.

8/4/06- 3 Book Exclusive Lessons

8/4/10
How many sneezes must a man sneeze before you call him sick? The answer my friend is blowing in the wind because germs travel by air.

8/5/03
Landmarks & landmines aren't the same YOU SHOULD visit landmines.

8/5/04
If you're depressed get a shovel go into your backyard & start digging. I guarantee you'll never feel like dirt again.

8/5/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/5/10
Nothing is fool proof. That is how foolish a fool is.

8/6/03
If you run while wearing a jogging suit you can be sued for false advertising.

8/6/06- 6 Book Exclusive Lessons

8/6/10
My dad's name is Art but other people have names too.

8/7/03
Never climb an incredibly small latter upside down.

8/7/04
Frankenstein wasn't confused he was a fused con.

8/7/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/7/10
Women who want to keep their own last name when getting married never stop to think that their last name came from their father and not their mother.

8/8/03
Never staple limes in your cover chair.

8/8/04
Become a fat ugly moron because opposites attract.

8/8/06- 11 Book Exclusive Lessons

8/8/10
Cup pies would be good but they would also be too small!

8/9/03
Always be careful when shooting spitwads at a lion, you don't want it to be not angry.

8/9/04
When told to "take a seat" don't.

8/9/10
Pick up lines are the opposites of put downs.

8/10/03
When buying an envelope use money a.k.a. $.

8/10/05
Dinnertime is never getting thinner time.

8/10/06- 12 Book Exclusive Lessons

8/10/10
A paranormal investigator is a normal investigator with a parachute.

8/11/03
When reading a lesson you should learn.

8/11/05
You can't tell unless you hear first.

8/11/10
We have been going to flat screens with no tubes but YouTube has kept the tube alive.


8/12/03
If woman ever calls you a pig just say,
"Would you like a side of bacon or some sausage?"
in order to justify what she said.

8/12/05
The only change you have to make to change is to want to change.

8/12/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/12/10
Bluegrass tastes better than rock and rap. Unless the rap you are talking about is the tortilla with food in it.

8/13/02
If you try to fight the urge to fight, you've already lost.

8/13/03
Eating human brains is a delicious treat..
I mean cactuses are spikey.

8/13/04
How to spell Piano:  P and O

8/13/05
It is more fun to write when one is sad because when one is happy fun isn't as fun.

8/14/02
You can tell the tree to stand up but if you tell it to sit down it won't.
So don't talk to trees, you picture torturing cellar monger.

8/14/05
It is hard to make friends with ice because it is so cold.

8/14/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/15/02
Digging a small hole & filling it with water is a waste of time, if you intend it to be put on a map, unless you're drawing your own map.

8/15/05
Being unprepared is an easy way to get scared.

8/15/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/15/07
The word nothing always refers to something.

Faces aren't invisible at night it's just dark

Reality is repetitive.

People watching from the second floor are called ceiling fans.

The reason why cheap shoes are called 'buddies' is because all of your so called buddies make fun of you for wearing them making the buddy shoes are your only true friends.

Flashback Edition (1641):
Don't fall, take a trip it is better

8/16/02
Thinking about the future is important but don't think of the future as if you will live a million years more.

8/16/04
If you can't tell the difference between the a bird, a plane, & a flying man get your eyes checked because they are of poor quality.

8/16/05
Dreams come true until you fall asleep & dream anew.

8/16/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/17/02
If balloons caused salad bars to serve meat, I'd be like "stop calling it a salad bar"

8/17/04
You booze you loose.

8/17/05
Having ideas is a good idea.

8/18/02
If my bottle cap wore a snow shoe it'd be put on tv If I wore a second one I'd be jumped by a flea.

8/18/05
Throwing caution to the wind is safer than throwing danger to the wind.

8/19/02
If there were evil corporate businesses that secretly ran our country.. whoops! too late for this lesson!

If today is a good day, today will always be a good day because today only happens once.

8/19/05
Even evening is uneven depending upon your horizon.

8/20/02
If you say something is still cool it could mean it's frozen.

The less you do the more you get done, (because you're either starting or finishing).

8/20/04
If you have to wait a long time, be late.

8/20/05
Don't let your life slip away because that could cause death.

8/20/07
If you get too tired you will get fired.

Diagonal across the street walkers are the ones who became outline chalkers.
The ones that walk and turn right-angle straight are the ones to appreciate.

8/21/01 Special Lesson Preview
Why do people complain when something is on their head? If someone drops a hat from a 5 story building onto your head, you would just be like "hey a free hat." But if someone drops a brick from the same building on your head, you would just be like "ow! I'm in hideous pain" or knocked unconscious.

8/21/02
Start the week off on the right foot.
Just make sure you use the other during the week else you'll have trouble.

Catastrosphere's Tip:
Like to cut loose at social events?
Be sure you don't cut loose your spinal cord.

8/21/04
Practical jokes are a practical way of helping others train for emergency situations.

The summer is the best time to have hot fun.

At the end of the day sleep good, it's for your own well.

8/21/05
Imports are more important than deports.

8/22/02
Over confidence can be bad, such as,
"I can walk off a cliff with out falling."

Catastrosphere's Tip:
Boiling soup too long can cause it to evaporate.
To prevent this put a pot on the ceiling above also.

8/22/04
A sure cure for loneliness is by putting a feather in your cap. The animal rights activist will never leave you alone.

It's important to practice redundancy.
It's important to practice redundancy.

A mall fountain's change can feed a starving child for 2 years.

8/22/05
One cannot catch a breeze.

8/22/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/23/02
If your zipper ever gets stuck use a zip code.

Catastrosphere's Tip:
When starting the engine of your car always be aware that someone may have planted...
a tree in your drive way.

8/23/04
Attempting to punch out a walrus is not a good Idea.

Following a question respond "Don't ask, because you already did."

Scarecrows are scary because they too, like Zombies, want brains.

8/23/05
People who agree to disagree don't really agree at all.

8/24/02
Controlling wall rust can be a difficult task just clean a certain area & the rust may form around it.

8/24/04
Patience is easily obtained if you are willing to wait for it.

Hermits are great at keeping secrets.

A shadow is like a friend that follows you around & imitates everything you do.
It is surprising that more people do not dislike their shadow.

8/24/05
Politicians are rarely speechless.

8/24/07
An old wives' tale is gossip that hasn't stopped circulating.

8/24/06- 5 Book Exclusive Lessons

8/25/02
Want money? Well don't get a job, just draw money likeness on paper & rub against real money to get the smell.
This is called the placebo method.

8/25/04
The sounds of nature can be soothing.
They can also make you want to go out shooting.

Waiting until fall to do spring cleaning can really make you realize why it is primarily done in the spring.

The bigger they are the softer they fall.

8/25/05
When one thinks one knows it all that is when one really has more to learn.

8/25/06- 3 Book Exclusive Lessons

8/26/02
If someone tells you not to be afraid of monsters & then a big monster comes & steps on you because you weren't afraid, if you live tell the monster you know someone else that's not afraid of it.
Following that give a depictive description of where this person is.

8/26/04
There is no solid evidence that air exists.

Bears don't wear clothes so please don't make a joke about it.

Up & Down are opposites & that's why they like each other.

8/26/05
It is easy to be romantic when you are in love. All you have to do is tell the truth.

8/26/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/27/02
Never give up your dreams because if you do you'll only have nightmares.

Flashback Edition:
Nothing is ever the same in my wallet there's always change.

8/27/04
Somethings will never change but you can be sure that one thing will, the channel.

People who live near a desert are good at leaving people alone.

Sometimes you think you've outsmarted someone when in actuality you've just made a fool of yourself.

8/27/05
Someone that is kind. Is a great find.

8/28/02
Revenge can be sweet if coated in sugar.

Glass the other red meat.

8/28/04
The two hardest things to do are starting & finishing.

Rocking chairs need not guitars to rock.

Getting even is fun because two is better than one.

8/28/05
You know you have a wait problem when you are impatient.

8/29/02
Don't like climbing stairs, then don't, so you can live a pitiful life.

If I had an ice sickle for every time I rowed a lampshade down my driveway,
well you know the rest...

8/29/04
It is not important to practice redundancy.
It is not important to practice redundancy.

Socks & shoes go together like pizza & the blues.

Refrain from asking clothes to do work because they are always worn out.

8/29/05
In acting mistakes count twice.

8/30/02
Sappy Edition:
Being polite is like being a pole light, it brightens up the darkness.

Propaganda:  Plyers+Liars=Buyers

8/30/04
Lack of hair leads to despair.

People that keep quiet need to pass it around a little more.

You're never disappointed with parades in ice cream shops or parades by the lake.

8/30/05 Obvious Edition:
Growing old is like growing anything else. It takes time.

8/30/06- 1 Book Exclusive Lesson

8/31/02
Having trouble getting past a moat? Use a boat.

8/31/04
Sometimes you need to get out.

Bartenders should use roller coasters.

Paper has many uses. Humans have many excuses.

8/31/05
Day is a lot like night. They both consist of time.