September
9/1/02
At one point doing things the old fashioned way will seem new again.
9/1/04
When you wish upon a star you're probably wishing you can get off the
star before you burn to death.
When someone is late you lose wait.
The sweet song of bird is often overheard.
The sweet song of man is not heard when he's on the can.
9/2/02
Emperor MAR's birthday was yesterday & today is Labor Day.
Don't be a crook, Drink a book.
Don't swallow a cactus b'cause if you do..
How dumb are you people?!
Do you really need this lesson?
9/3/02
Don't wreck your car cause if you do you might end up with one less
shoe.
MAR's Lesson:
Using markers is dangerous just make sure they don't get on you or
you'll become a marked man.
9/3/06-
1 Book Exclusive Lesson
9/4/02
Can't find your hat?
Then get up on a ladder while wearing rhinestones,... it's something to
do!
MAR's Lesson:
Eyes are more like 6 O's than 2 I's
9/5/02
Cellos aren't for camp'n.
9/5/05
Love is like butter. It is better when spread.
9/6/02
If you have a problem don't use an escalator.
9/6/05
New beginnings always come from old ends.
9/7/02
It's ok to look at the sun at sunrise or sunset, just don't look at it
in between.
9/7/05
Putting something down is just like picking something up but in reverse.
9/8/02
When in an emergency & one says "stay calm"
Then you think "I'm not Calm, I'm blank name"
You should panic so you get thrown out.
9/8/05
People are such pessimist. Always looking down as they fall.
9/9/02
If the last word someone ever says is shut up, they were talking to
their self.
9/9/05
The club sandwich is the most dangerous sandwich.
9/10/02
There's always room for Jell-O,
this means every building must have a room just for Jell-O or you'll be
arrested.
9/10/04
Debt is the one place that most people don't want to go to yet many
take permanent vacations there.
9/10/05
It is always smart to agree with facts. That way you seem right more
often.
9/11/02
Anyone ever tell you to get off your high horse?
Just say "but the horse is too high, I'll fall to my doom!"
9/11/04
If your voice sounds like that of an idiot simply talk only to babies
& no one will notice.
9/12/02
So many people won the lottery this week that each winner actually got
less money than they paid for the ticket.
People who participate in the lottery are used to losing money though.
If you ain't ate marbles since the 17th, you mind as well give up &
jump in the sink.
9/13/02
Don't count your ice cream cones before you get em.
If you do you'll have to count them again.
9/14/01
Cheese can be yellow, orange, white, green, & blue. In times like
7:35 A.M. Friday, September 14, 2001 A.D. we need to know what color
cheese is, but alas that time has passed.
9/14/02
If you like things that are shiny but don't like to shine them,
look at the sun*
*see
9/7/02 Lesson
9/15/02
Ever been told to blow up some balloons?
If not then don't get in a jet plane & drop bombs, use fire
crackers it's cheaper.
9/15/05
The great thing about sound is that when you hear it you know you
aren't deaf.
9/15/06-
1 Book Exclusive Lesson
9/16/02
Epic Lesson The Longest Lesson of all Time
9/17/02
The cows will come home when pigs fly because the pigs will show them
the way
9/17/06-
1 Book Exclusive Lesson
9/18/02
If you want to discover something new, buy a new item put it under your
blanket & take your blanket off.
If you don't want the mailman to know where you live, kill yourself.
9/19/02
A good idea can take you a long way if the idea involves transportation.
9/19/04
Better a potbelly than a pothead.
9/19/05
Almost everyone is gifted on their birthday.
9/20/02
If you want to accomplish something do nothing then people will say,
"he/she accomplished nothing"
This way failure is not an option.
9/20/06-
24 Book Exclusive Lessons
9/21/02
Don't learn from your mistakes because they are mistakes
they don't know what they are talking about.
9/21/06-
8 Book Exclusive Lessons
9/22/02
Are you feeling low because it's the 22nd, well cheer up.
I'm sure your ceiling feels worse.
9/22/04
The key to finding something better is looking.
9/23/02
If you think pulling a ribbon out into a snowstorm will help you..
manufacture boxes, you're right. It's a big secret.
9/23/04
Whistling while you're lazy can't be done.
9/24/01
Of course you wouldn't understand because you're not as civilized as i
am ... maaa hew hul huk.
9/24/02
People with terminal diseases should fight crime, they don't know when
they're gonna die anyway.
9/25/02
When you like to make yourself dizzy but don't like being queasy,
change your name.
9/26/02
You should have to pay every time you look at a billboard.
9/27/02
Sarcasm is negative positivity. Lies are positive negativity.
9/27/07
The handicap get all the breaks in life.
The shortest distance between two points is a line unless the distance
is that of time and the line has a wait.
Second place is the first place loser.
It's not fair unless you share.
When someone says "I'm starting to get sick" they are either coming
down with something or coming up with something.
9/28/02
Knowledge unapplied is useless, so if you're lazy don't learn because
you're not gonna use it anyway.
9/29/02
The bird chirps.
The man burps.
9/30/02
14% of people who want to be fire fighters actually take boxing gloves
& light buildings on fire to fight it.
Then they get thrown in jail for arson.. sad.
9/30/10
If someone asks you "Do you think..?" and you say "I don't know," that
means you didn't think about it.