December
12/1/02
Looking for a December to remember? Try not to see anything suspicious
or the government will erase your memory again
12/2/02
If you want to become physically fit you're reading the wrong guy's
lesson.
12/2/04
Never believe anyone who says "It's backwards day." unless they say it
like this:
.yad sdrawkcab stI
12/3/02
Be nice & brush your teeth, that way they won't chew you out.
12/4/02
The ultimate wager in the game of poker is the wage of war.
12/5/02
Gardens that grow very little should be called midget gardens.
12/6/02
One day bed time will take a new meaning. Beds will come alive &
capture you, then forcing you to go to sleep, Bed time will become dead
time.
12/7/02
You don't need a pillow. Just put your head in a pillow case before you
go to sleep. You'll never have to worry about waking up tired again (or
at all..).
12/7/04
Faking your own death can be difficult but of course so can living your
life.
12/8/02
The pen used to write nearly every lesson is near its end.
What you say that's not a lesson?
Well then yams & clams have something in common.
They rhyme, quite obvious right?
12/9/02
Leaves are sleeves.. on branches.
12/9/04
Some things are best left unsaid. "Look out!" is not one of those
things.
12/10/02
People who are young don't like homework but older people want to work
at home
12/11/02
Just because your shirt has stitches doesn't mean you should get
revenge on people that wear strawberries with sequins as necklaces.
12/12/01
If you're ever walking down the hallway & you start flying you're
not walking anymore. (pause) You're running.
12/12/02
When someone says to you 'I never want to see U again' they'll have
trouble reading.
12/13/02
Get an old man who used to play a sport to play it again.
If he says, "I'm a little rusty" report this to the government for they
do not like androids. (Robots for you dumb people)
12/14/02
When paint is about to crack stand back because it may do something
crazy!
12/14/04
There's no riddance like good riddance.
12/15/02
If your shirt is dirtier than dirt, start mocking dirt & then.. get
thrown into an asylum for laughing at dirt.
12/16/02
As bright as night I will never understand how board games entertain
people
12/16/04
When push comes to shove, pull ... out a baseball bat.
12/17/02
Flashback Edition:
Wait until the sun comes up & then go to sleep.
12/18/02
Yes another Monotonous Lesson!
If your paper turns to vapor, you've been writing on water dude!
12/18/04
Wondering what to get that special someone this Christmas? Yeah me too.
12/19/02
Yard work is hard work but not compared to rock smashing
12/19/04
You don't have to take offense it is your choice.
12/20/02
Actions speak louder than words.
Words speak louder than silence although silence may have the most to
say.
12/20/04
When one asks "Is the glass half empty, or half full?" Notify them that
the cup does not remain at half point for long if it is ever even that
precise.
12/21/02
If you're sad you should kick a can but not so hard that it kicks
back.. & relaxes.
12/21/04 Flashback Edition:
The latest news is no longer informative.
12/22/02
When you're lost at sea don't bother me as if you could ha ha!
12/23/02
If you wear a coat...whoops! that's all I wrote.
12/23/04
When someone says "Stranger things have happened" respond "Yes because
people use that phrase all the time."
12/24/02
Want to give your kids a great present
Give them something they'll never forget but won't be able to remember,
A savage beating.
12/24/04
Christmas is coming, oh yes it's near. Christmas is coming, a time for
cheer. Christmas is coming, yes the day that is next. Christmas is
coming, in Christ we can rest.
Flashback Edition: (Original lesson from 3/14/04)
Train owners in the 1800s were very bad people so that they could get
much coal every Christmas.
12/25/02
Christmas is about the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ not getting a
sword
and hunting mice. (by a sword & hunting mice we speak of a poor kid
getting a dollar plastic sword and told "now you can hunt those mice
like you always wanted to")
12/25/04
Christmas is the most joyous time of year but you can have Christmas
everyday if you are not afraid of your peers.
12/26/02
When Someone tells you to "break a leg" it doesn't have to be yours.
12/26/04
All people with two eyes have double vision.
12/27/02
They should just make a faucet with a 3rd knob for warm.
12/27/04
Looks can be deceiving but not as much as words.
12/28/02
Fight a tree. Bite your knee. Stung by a bee.
12/28/04
When someone says "Are you there?" just disregard the T &
everything will be just fine.
12/29/02
If you want someone out of your house put a welcome mat inside the
house facing out the door as if to say "Welcome out" or just spray
paint 'not' above the word 'welcome'.
12/29/04
What is left to the imagination can be worse than what isn't set forth.
12/30/02
Monday is a fun day to complain.
12/30/04
Getting something stuck in your teeth is like getting a needle stuck in
a leaf they both create a bad lesson.
12/31/02
If you are really poor & can't afford a calendar just use the same
one &
be laughed at by all the people you know the whole year.
12/31/04 Procrastinator's Edition:
The more you hesitate the longer others wait & from that they may
become irate. Those people will then debate your personal weight &
being unable to relate to your hesitate trait they will turn to hate
but won't be able to find the words to conjugate or create so their
hate will abate because they can't desecrate your hesitate trait.
12/31/07 Flashback Edition (4/17/04)
If you're broke & stupid, put glue in your wallet to fix your
brokeness.