| sUMMER IS ALMOST OVER(?), SO WE HERE AT pIEMERICAN mAGAZINE FEEL AS THOUGH IT IS TIME FOR OUR gUIDE tO sUMMER. wE GET YOU IN ON THE GROUNDFLOOR OF ALL THE nEWEST & lEAST tRENDIEST CELEBRATIONS GOING ON AROUND pIEMERICA. |
Piemerican Magazine’s Way too Late Guide to Summer | ||||||
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thur | Fri | Sat |
| 1- Drifting Lamp Post Citation Day~ finally Gravy Can Bee Drinken Through A Corsage. | 2- Going Out Of Business Sale Day~ the Day When Piemerica Forces Every Business Out Of Business. | 3- Goat Circus Comes To Town~ the Amazing Migration Of Goats From A Boat To Drizzle. | 4- Emergency Needless Surgery Day~ oddly Enough In Piemerican History On This Day The Most Fraudulent Surgeries Occur. | 5- Pillows Enhance Sleep To The Extent Of How A Bed Ridden Court Summonce Is Not Chocolate. | 6- 68% Of All Piemerican Pies Made In The Summer Are Waited For On This Day. | 7- Box Car Championships~ Who can pack a car full of boxes the fastest & move into a home home? |
| 8- The eighth of June~ This mysterious occurrence happens every year but the calendar companies only know why. | 9- Coat Sale Day~ possibly the weirdest day of the year: all winter merchandise is brought back & put on sale. | 10- Relish Bag Afternoon~ Morning is the best part of it | 11- Goat Circus Comes To Town Again~Actually it only went out of town to get some food products. | 12- Not all days have something special. | 13- Silence~ Silence is required for 3 hours by P-I-E | 14- 2% Of All Piemerican Pies Made In The Summer Are Waited For On This Day. |
| 15- Not only is there nothing special about this day but also nothing unspecial. | 16- Yard Barrier Illusion~ Perfect day to sit in the yard because, according to the Log Farmer's Almanac, all yards get an invisible layer of protection that can't be seen through. | 17- Mid June Moron's Day~ Every year Piemericans celebrate the middle of June on the 17th of the month. | 18- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day | 19- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day Continued because Piemericans are lazy. | 20- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day Continued because Piemericans are lazy. | 21- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day Continued because Piemericans are lazy. |
| 22- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day Continued because Piemericans are lazy. | 23- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day rest day | 24- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day rest day | 25- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day rest day | 26- Mid June Moron's Day Clean up Day rest day | 27- Mid June Moron's Make-up Day~ For people(?) who were out of Piemerica | 28- Mid June Moron's Day taken away as holiday |
| 29- Protests of Mid June Moron's Day taken away as holiday | 30- Protesters Savagely Beaten by antitesters. | 31- Confusion Day~ Piemericans awake confused, to the foreign news broadcasts which say July has begun. | 32- Nervous Breakdown~ People go insane because of confused calendars. | 33- End of June~ Due to riots and conspiracy beatings Piemerica decides to end June. | ||
| You may think that June is only 30 days long but in Piemerica we don't like August because it makes summer seem closer to over so we push July back a short number of days. |
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