Secondary Sports
4/27/01
Background:
Secondary Sports was done as a mock sports bit by myself & Dredrick Tatum in Theater 1 class, which was filmed.
This is what I wrote to prepare for it though I & D.T. mostly improvised the interview portion, D.T. came up with the name Justin Case which I screwed up the line & said Just.. Incase. There was also some parts which I appeared in later which I'll make note of. We did various practices & I had made a real cheese car for the sketch but had to keep it for like a week.

Secondary Sports Report
(The Joe): Welcome to secondary sports Where you hear the stories no one cares about.
(The Joe): Last year the Faxville sugar cane won the first & last championship ever in melted cheese Basketball I came up with this a while before & the players skate around on cheese etc., defeating the Sivil Peanut Brittle.
(The Joe): Now due to the gross failure of the league & I do mean gross. The people at Kraft continue to try breaking into the sports world with Melted Cheese racing. holds up cheese car No men volunteered so they're using their only resource, cheese.
(The Joe): This isn't a regular sport, each man designs his block of cheese, women are also allowed. In the race the cheese is launched & with special cameras, the winner is decided by who's melts the slowest. Afterward the crowd is welcomed to eat all the cars they want. (Not cheese cars but real ones!)
Interview
(The Joe): I'm here with the most average player of Munford's newest Soccer Team 'The Basket Ball Players' I got that from a Conan sketch about new xfl teams & one was called The Basket Ball Players He's a back up & his name is Justin Case.. improvised from here on.

Health
A health report is given which is the only unfunny part of the newscast. The idea behind it is that while the boring health report is given the camera pans to the side to show something funny & then pans back to the report giving time for the next group to get to the site & do something funny. The health report was read but we don't talk about that. The camera pans to me one of these times  & I take a bite out of the cheese car (which is like a week old mind you) & give a satisfied 'this is good' face (off camera as soon as I bit into the cheese the whole room gasped in disgust)
After Health
The anchors are asleep b/c of the boring health report
Off Camera Voice: Paging (The Joe), (The Joe) please come to the news desk.
(The Joe) walks by & waves cheese in from of the anchors & then walks off eating cheese as they awake.

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